Back to Work

This last week was my last week of maternity leave and I really tried to make the most of it and savor every moment! I did get to a point where I didn't cry every time I thought about going back, so that much is good. It's not the work I mind, I actually like my job, I just hate the thought of leaving Miles and especially now Hailey at daycare all day every day. She's so little and doesn't understand that I'll be back at the end of the day. I haven't been away from her for more than an hour for 12 weeks. Now I'll be gone all day and I don't want her to think I've left her. It makes me so sad to think of her not knowing where I am or if I'm coming back to get her. I've enjoyed being a "stay at home mom" more than I even thought I would. I got to do so many fun things with Miles, even just the little things like discovering the library and new books, finding a new park to play in, and seeing his new discoveries and thought processes coming together. He seems to have grown so much since Hailey was born. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too. It's been so awesome to see this transformation and help mold this transformation. And bonding with Hailey has been amazing. I have loved being home with her everyday and seeing the little changes in her, learning her cries, and seeing her smiles. They both melt my heart. I know going back to work isn't the end of being their mom. I know I will still get to see all these wonderful things in my children. I know daycare is wonderful for them to build relationships with other adults and make friends of their own. I know they learn and grow there in ways I couldn't provide. I know it gets easier as the days pass. It's just hard right now. It just sucks.