Christmas Wasn't Hard

Christmas was not as hard as I thought it would be without dad. I missed him, but I felt him, and that made it much easier. And the kids were so excited, it was easy to get caught up in their excitement. No, Christmas wasn't hard. Church is hard. Singing Christmas hymns was hard. Sunsets are hard. Taking down the Christmas decorations was hard. New Years was hard. Starting a new year without him is hard. Talking to good friends who always ask how I am is hard. Very hard. Answering where Grampie is to my 23 month old daughter when she's looking to say hello and goodnight to him is hard. Hugging my mom on my parent's 40th anniversary was hard. Hugging dear friends is hard. Catching myself referring to both parents is hard. Catching myself thinking I need to call dad is hard. Wanting to share with him is hard. Wondering if I did all I could've done with and for him is hard. Being alone is hard. Not having time alone is hard. Seeing mom grieve is hard. Thinking about how much life has changed in the last 6 months is hard. Wondering about the future is hard. There are a lot of things that are hard, but no, Christmas wasn't hard.